Why is RiRi So Sad Sad?


Blackbiter.com believes we know the answer to why RiRi is so sad sad. After a careful investigation, we put one plus two or more together and came up with one fascinating explanation.

Somewhere between Chris Brown and reaping a few other barely known ballers (you see the love story began a long time ago), there was a little known baller boy just crowning in the valley of greatness when there were just so many valleys to sow.


Back in the day, J.R. Smith could be found sort of at play for a floundering basketball team with a weird name like Knickerbockers that, even in a cool city like New York, kind of made him feel like a dork. Well, because the baller had not found his rhythm or true home in The Land and had not yet been knighted a prince by any man, although he be fine, the baller could only garner fleeting moments of Pop Princess RiRi’s precious time.

You see he simply wasn’t good enough.  In her high and mighty presence, there would neither be bouncing of quarters nor dropping of dimes.


Then, all of a sudden, lo and behold, the baller got traded like a playing card to a city with a King, and there along a Lake called Erie, no joke, there occurred an eerie thing.  All about him, all around, the wind sort of hissed a swishing sound.  The baller became a shot caller and a sharp shooter of 3’s, and as Lady Luck would have it, in The Land, 3 is a very magic number as even a green-eyed green with envy princess could see.


On June 19, 2016, the fateful night the fledgling baller would no more be unknown but legend in the court of The KingLeBron James and his knights went West thrice and slew the ugly, arrogant warrior fiends.

That is why narrowly two suns later, Pop Princess RiRi was caught quite in a tizzy, captured overwhelmed at her own concert many thousands of Dublin, Ireland miles away from the baller boy she pretended to diss while, all along, fooling the whole world into guessing it was the King the Princess wanted to kiss.

Nay, but the people of many colors and the club kids knew, it was J.R. Smith Princess RiRi really wanted to do…over.

It is well documented that Princess RiRi, being a Pisces and psychic, sensed eons ago in the late 2015s that the then ordinary boy with the ordinary name called Smith was on the verge of greatness.  So, as princesses of unspeakable wealth and means are inclined to do, she spared no expense mysteriously showing up in the very places the ordinary baller boy with the ordinary name flew.


Desperate for his attention, desperate for a whisper from Smith, she screamed the King’s name in locker rooms, leaving each time a little more frustrated, a wee bit more pissed.

“No one likes to settle,” said the Princess, in her own words, “not even me.”


But she settled for Drake before, after, and during the middle of the Chris Brown affair, so how can such a bad bad gal like RiRi ever be believed?

Could it be, the pain and hurt of settling once more for Sir Drake is the reason why Princess RiRi has been caught on nasty occasions wearing this shake, er, shirt?


Awww, no one as lovely as Princess Rihanna should have to do it herself.

So there she was in Emerald Green Ireland, Dublin over in agony in front of a zillion fans while J.R. Swish was there, preening and spreading his naked tail feathers like a peacock in The Land.

The parade of tears simply bubbled up in the realization that their moment had grayed and that there would be nothing more to hope for or wish or say. For, it would be Lady Shirley riding on the float next to Baller Boy Smith with the air moving all around her and him making that oh so deliciously soothing sound like swish.

The end . . . ish.

Comment (1)

  1. […] heard before the big man’s fall commanding him: “Man, Bron is right.  We don’t need these distractions!  Whatever you do, just don’t bring that shit to […]

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