Archives for : Britney Spears

ooh, aah, yUM . . . wait, where are the tUMs?

Gutter Love: You know you love it!

Is Urban Music leaving a bad taste in your mouth?

Ever get that not so fresh feeling?  In a world of “No scratches, no hickeys, all I want is a quickie,” I did.  But it really wasn’t my fault.  I had been drinking from the vine and I inadvertently (or somehow on purpose) got pulled from The Fish into a dirty puddle of UM.  Urban Music.  Feeling defiled, like a Levite, I had no choice but to go out back and sacrifice one he-goat, a half rack of gourmet lamb, and two organic turtledoves.  (Without spot or blemish, of course.)  Ignorant and godless, my neighbors merely imagined that I was barbecuing.

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Flowers in Paperweights of Glass

Flowers in Paperweights of GlassWhen Whitney Houston passed, many of us clutched our chests, if not our heads, with outstretched hands in shock or grief.  People speculated that drugs or alcohol took her.  Some said, “I had a bad feeling,” wondered whether she was murdered or slipped away by suicide.  Others still, as the winds blew, mumbled such spookiness as even the February that took her was odd, too warm.  But the majority angrily blamed Whitney’s history of drug abuse and—by association—oft-persecuted ex-husband Bobby Brown for the loss of life.  And fans, perhaps rightly so, worried for her daughter while pretending the whole blue world doesn’t know where broken hearts go.

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